Thursday, December 19, 2013


I always want to be lovey-dovey with Tim. I always want to feel and be connected to him. Well… how I have that in mind has turned out to be quite challenging in this busy season of work. As usual Tim is my reminder that we are okay. We have been in a season that we work 12 hour days, 6 days a week, going to bed late and getting up very early in the morning. It's not regular life, it's a season. And changing seasons are part of who we are, that is our life.

Remember me writing about our Conscious Cuddles. Well, when they don't happen I am not so well. When it doesn't happen 3 days in a row, I start to worry… where will this lead us weeks from now? We will not be well. We need to be connected. Those are some of the worries that pop up. We cannot not connect just because life is busy. But Tim reminds me that this is just a season of something different.

I was praised today for the high standards I continue to have for our marriage but at the same time I notice I am growing and changing. I actually find there is connection in the not connecting. Okay, our conscious cuddles are not as long as in less busy times (though there are still there) but at least we agree that we need to be focused on work right now and us time will come back to us. We agree that we are okay and we will get back to one another. Just now, for the time being, work is taking up most of our conversations, and that is okay.

Photo credit: Wojtek Wolfe

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Not what I had in mind...

The season after our wedding that I couldn't work was interesting for me. I had always worked so hard and here I was put to a halt. While I was going through the immigration process I wasn't allowed to work just yet. Something that was very challenging. I believe God was doing a good thing. I think He needed for me to take a deep breath, get a break and learn to have a change of pace. I learned a lot in the not doing.

When it looked like immigration was coming to it's close I slowly started to ponder with Tim on the next. What would I want to do once I am allowed to work? I had little time to really think about this because work presented itself, from a somewhat unexpected angle.

When I left Holland I wasn't sure what would happen to my business. I was ready to leave behind the deadlines, the work overload, the crazy hours. I was thinking I wanted to merely focus on photography and Tim's ministry. But then in June came the call from the Dutch broadcasting company… could I come on board again? They were in a bind… and before I knew it I was doing research on a documentary in Oklahoma and not much later I found myself in Myanmar for a reality TV series that I worked on the previous seasons. And one thing led to the next. Since August I have been working on a  new reality TV series for Holland but here in the States, in the end leading to the same crazy hours and deadlines. I will say it was great to be back! Despite the crazy hours and deadlines.  

For the first time I am a married working woman and that is quite different from a single working woman. It was another opportunity to learn, grow and adjust. For one, I still wanted our home to be spick and span. I still wanted to cook for Tim (uhhh, us). I still didn't want him to have to worry about anything concerning these matters. And it was Tim who sat me down and said: "If you and I are both going to be working… you need to let me take care of some of the chores around the house." Are you kidding me? That is not what I had in mind. But I had learned in my 'not doing' season that it is certainly not about the doing. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to do everything myself. I don't and will never be wonder woman. And so my amazing husband has stepped up to the plate and been sharing in some of the chores. 

For the first time I am a working woman with husband and that turned out to be a great something. When Tim started his new non-profit, he, his team and I thought I would come on board. It was that plain and simple. But as I got busy myself, we didn't see it happen. And I had to realize that right now, my role in Tim's ministry is providing some needed income. I do have a part, it just looks different from what we had in mind. I am grateful for this realization, I just want to have a part… whatever part that is and right now that is giving Tim more time to get the non-profit up and running. But I do take part where ever I can during meetings, brain storming and such. I always love going on a road trip with Tim because he is speaking some where or we are visiting his partners and supporters. But as it turns out, it works the other way around also. As I dove deep into research for this new reality series I found myself in very beautiful conservative circles. I found that it was more about relationship and trust building then it could be about work. And there were times where the people would look to Tim as the man and not me when it came to talking about this TV project. And so more than once Tim ended up on the road with me, for my project. And what a blessing this has been. For the first time I have a husband supporting me, my dreams and work. Tim has been amazing.

I felt such trust from Tim as I traveled around. There was so much freedom and support. And as the months passed Tim stepped in many many times and we turned out to be quite the team when it comes to working together. I experienced much much joy, besides it being pretty amazing that Tim would give me so much of his time and so much devotion to my work. One thing we know… we are best together. I am looking forward to many more projects together. 

Hopefully I will be able to post some Myanmar photos on my photography Facebook page soon: