God really spoke to me in my fasting week. The words sound easy and yet, they are not.
God showed me that I work hard on our marriage, all the time!
My blog posts point it out also. I have shared in a previous post that I am a black or white person. I know no grey. I'd like to add to that that I am an all or nothing person. And that comes out in our marriage meaning I take marriage very seriously and I work hard on it, all the time. It's a joy to do so, but I do get tired at times.
God confronted me on that and told me to 'JUST HAVE FUN'. Tim's been telling me for weeks to RELAX and I never understood really what he meant. Well, now I know. He and God were saying the same thing: I need to 'just have fun'.
There is a problem with that though... I don't know too well how to relax, how to 'just have fun'. All my life I have worked so hard. My childhood was filled with abuse, pain and survival. In my twenties I worked hard on overcoming my past and healing. My thirties were focused on my career and company. And frankly, that brings me to here.
So my prayer to God has been: " Father, I hear what you say. I don't know how to just have fun. So please take me by the hand and show me how to 'JUST HAVE FUN'.”
I am excited. Really excited. My Father tells me to have fun. What a great Father. He doesn't want me working hard all the time. He wants me to trust Him that He is part of our marriage too, and He will help us stay on track. I don't need to constantly pay attention to whether or not we are doing well. As I ponder on this I am seeing a father holding his girl's hand, twirling her, directing her to the playground, making her smile and telling silly jokes. The girl has no care in the world.
I am ready to just have some fun !